We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
