she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
