Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
