I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
