This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
organizing the empties. That sober.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
