Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
