NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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