I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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