dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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