It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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