Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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