Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
