So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
