Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
