He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
