Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
