It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
