It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
