I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
