Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
