his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize