I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
