I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
