My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
