Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
