He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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