I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Randomize
