I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Randomize
