you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
