I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
