New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
