At least make sure they are 18
Why
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
