making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
