bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
She needs sedatives and a leash
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
