I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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