I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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