I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
