I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
