Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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