we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
