the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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