I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
