How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
