Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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