We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
