I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
