Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
