I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
