the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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