I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
