dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
