i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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