I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
