a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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