she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
