: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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