Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize