Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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