i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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