Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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