Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
