dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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