Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize