She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
