I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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