Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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