What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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