i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Alive.
So much puke
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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