I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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