Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He did a backflip because drugs
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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