I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
