I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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