All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
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