The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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