and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize