It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
