i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
