I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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