he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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