fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
