Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
