you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Are we still banned from the library?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
