I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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