people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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