I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
