Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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