you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
