Do you still have your period?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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