Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
