i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
no. you can't hotbox the world.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
