dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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