smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
