So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I supernannyed him into submission
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
