D3 body, D1 cock
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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