Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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