He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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