He disabled his match.com account in front of me
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
