I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
