have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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