You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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