This house was built for laser tag.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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