i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
