I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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