We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
