Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
